Yesterday, I had dinner at an Indian restaurant with a dear friend and wonderful healer. As we sat opposite each other, I could feel her tender heart melting through her eyes. I told her a couple of challenging personal stories, where I shared my vulnerable self and a myriad of feelings and emotions. My friend's response was to add suggestions and subtly offer suggestions to fix the situation. I didn't fully realize it at the time, but I would rather have had her move into a deeper listening place, and just BE from her warm heart with my sharing. I noticed that about half way through our dinner, I began to feel subtly shutdown, and noticed we weren't feeling as close or connected in our hearts.
The next day my friend emailed me, apologizing for anything she had done wrong, as she too had felt the disconnect. I wrote back, excusing myself for being completely honest, and said:
"I hope I can be totally honest with you. There have been moments when I am with you, that I notice you offering to fix me, to present solutions to what I share. Instead of this, I would rather that you go into your deepest "listening" place, and just BE.....with the notion of purely Being with my sharing, with nothing to do......no rescue mission necessary. The gift I am asking for is to just be completely heard."
As I drove home that night, I realized that I had not paid attention to the subtle "off-feelings" I felt during dinner. I also realized that I had not communicated that I was simple wanting to be heard, not to be fixed.
Letter from The Guidance: (guidance is my inner angelic voice that is always speaking to me and guiding me.....as it does for all of us, all of the time).......
"My dear One, you have learned 2 things: the first is to pay extra attention to moments when you feel slightly off, or slightly out of alignment. Your feelings are a kind of guidance system, made to speak to you, so you can learn and make other and wiser choices......as in this case when you were feeling uncomfortable about being "fixed" rather than being deeply heard by the heart. Had you listened to the prompting of uncomfortable feelings, you could have said something, you would have stayed connected, and not disconnect with your friend. The second lesson, is that honesty is the best policy....speaking your mind and your truth will only get you the gold. We suggest you slow down, become more aware of your feeling guidance, so you can chose from a mindful place."
Gregg Braden tells of an experiment that hints at the nature of reality. In this experiment, human DNA was placed in 28 vials. One vial was given to each of 28 researchers. Each researcher had been trained in how to generate and experience deep feelings and each had strong emotions.
The experiment revealed that the DNA changed according to the feelings of the researchers. When the researchers experienced gratitude, love and appreciation, the DNA responded by relaxing. The strands unwound and the length of the DNA increased.
When the researchers felt anger, fear, frustration, or stress, the DNA responded by constricting. It shortened and many of its codes were switched off! If you've ever felt shut down emotionally by negative emotions, now you know why your body was equally shut down. When the researchers felt love, joy and appreciation, the constriction was reversed and the codes were switched back on.
This experiment was later followed up by testing HIV-positive patients. In these patients, feelings of love and gratitude generated 300,000 times the immune response than without those feelings. Apparently, one’s emotional state weighs in mightily when it comes to resistance.